GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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