toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
