Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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