I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
