his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
