i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
