I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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