Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
