it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
