I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
