Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
