It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
