We're facebook friends in real life
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
