you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
