Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize