I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
