so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
