and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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