Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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