True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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