Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
