Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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