What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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