I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
