fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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