I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
