god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
