The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
