We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
