gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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