he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
