Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
