When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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