Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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