you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
