I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
