how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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