Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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