absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
