mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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