using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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