i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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