Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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