I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
