sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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