Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize