Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
