What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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