I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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