ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
