great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
