So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
