what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
