My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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