So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
