i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
