Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
