So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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