Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
