He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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