Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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