So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i drank out of a bidet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
