dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
