i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
