I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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