Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
