When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
