why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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