it was like eating out sand paper
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
