anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
