I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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